Skip to main content

2017 : The Unplugged Treat

It's not always on a mutual-funds manual that you get to read a disclaimer. Sometimes, you get to read one on a blog too.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DISCLAIMER

All the characters & events mentioned in this blog-post are absolutely real, with their existence confirmed to the best of the media's ability. In case of any doubts & suspicions, kindly blame yourself for reading / ignoring the news. You're expected to enjoy the humour & come up with constructive criticism. However, your outright attempts to link the content with your own biases & subsequent belittling of the author is more than welcome. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2017, What a fantastic year it has been!

Neither in terms of any harmony restored in Syria, nor in terms of mammoth development in India.
Neither in terms of a peaceful Pakistan, nor in terms of  aggressive Switzerland. But 2017 has been a wonderful year because of the amount of data it has produced. They say that Oil is the most precious resource in this world, but data is the new sexy!

And when this data gets studied, manipulated & crafted by some of the best bloggers in the business, the treat is ready for the readers. The treat. The Unplugged Treat.

So the year started with one of the most crucial events in the world. Elections for the President of United States of America, unpopluarly known as POTUS. The very reason behind choosing the adjective 'unpopularly' is the man himself, the President elect. He's a TRUMP card in the business context, & operates like a DONALD duck in all other contexts. The US President is said to be the 'first man'. And Mr Trump has been doing quite a justice to that tag. He's the 'first man' to mock a disabled person, the 'first man' who has been denied a handshake on the international platform, maybe because he's probably the 'first man' to hold greatest disregard for the ones deserving most regards.

Mr. Trump started his campaign & governance with a war cry, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. Now, the least we all could do is to thank him for acknowledging the fact that America used to be great, that too before he came to the power. At least he believes that America was great sometime before, & now he aims to make it great again. And in his pursual, Mr Trump ended up not only defeating the Democrats, but also defeating the DEMOCRACY.

What if Mr. Trump didn't become the President?

The global political scenario would've been so conventional, stereotype & boring. No display of the 'out of the box' stupidity. No darkness in policy making. No darkness in governance. Subsequently, US wouldn't have witnessed the first total solar eclipse after 1979. Also, his defeat would have been a big blow to the hindutva folks, extending their unquestionable support all the way from Varanasi, India.

GST in India, the next event.

With the roll-out of GST, Indian government really did simplify the tax-regime. And their simplified version reads, " Why to use multiple taxes with different names, if we can mock the system with only one name "? Given the multiple occurrences when India has been globally branded as one of the most stable economies, the government has been consistently trying its level best to test this stability. The plan is to give a shocker every quarter. For instance, Demonetisation - Union Budget - GST. And the best part is that after every 'rocking' decision taken in the economical context, the government claims to have successfully performed their stability test & state - "Relax, we're the most stable economy in the world! ".

What if GST didn't roll out?

Government would continue to collect the tax & simultaneously abuse the existing tax-regime.
India would still be the most stable economy, with one less 'stability-test'.
Lastly, July 1 would continue to observe DOCTORS' Day instead of GST day, given the government's obsession with branding the days.


Bitcoin, the next in the lot.

None of us is really sure about what the bitcoin is & how does it work. But almost all of us wish to chase it & own it. So in strictly basic terms, Bitcoin is 'Happiness in reverse'. As we already own the happiness, but still attempt to chase it, desperately. A famous English proverb says, "Its never too late". And its current version reads out loud, "Its never too late, unless its about investing in bitcoins, that too in 2010" The current price levels of the Bitcoin are enough to conclude about the investment, that-

"INVEST, only if you have it IN your VEST".

What if Bitcoins were mere coins?

Even the auto-drivers wouldn't have accepted them, obviously as they stopped accepting the coins during the demonetisation days. Also, We would have prayed to God with bitcoins, instead for a Bitcoin. And the maximum volume of bitcoin would be reserved with the temples & poor people.

PADMAVATI, a true event.


Yes its a true event, though there's no certainty about the tale of the Rajput queen. By the way, it is probably the first Indian film, where every other Indian has played some role, apart from the actual actors. The making of the film has clearly laid out that a 'Ministry of Offence' is the need of the hour. We as human beings have become so sensitive that if someday, our opinions start getting traded as commodities, then our opinions-cum-commodities would be undisputed topper of the SENSEX (Sensitivity Index ).  Interestingly, Padmavati row is a rare issue where the Leftists & the Rightists are equally sorted. Leftists be like, " Don't watch it if you don't like it ". While the Rightists be like, "Watch it & if you don't like it, hit it, hit the crew, hit the people". Leftists again, "Go to theaters only if you want to", Rightists react, " Burn them if you don't want to ".

What if Padmavati was real & existed?

Either she would have settled the issue by asking for royalty from the film makers, or she would have filed a suit in the court. In the worst case, she would have acted herself in the movie. And in the best case, our government would have released 'Padmavati' awards in line with the 'Padma' awards.


VIRUSHKA and the year-end.

The news of Anushka getting married to Virat spread like a fire in the forest. Sensible people started decoding the title VIRUSKHA & came out with a question in hindi as 'VIRUS H KA..? All of us were so happy for them & later on, we were unhappy for ourselves. It was when we realised that we couldn't be so cool like them & have a destination wedding in Italy. And the logic in our defence puts out, "We can't go for a destination wedding in Italy, because we didn't invest in the Bitcoin, back in 2010..!!"

What if they didn't marry at all?

The marriage rumours would have taken a shift, from Italy to South Africa.
People would have ran out of content, & so would their stories on Whatsapp & Instagram.
A great loss to the tourism of Italy, indeed.




What about the ORIGIN (not the Dan Brown thing) of this blog post?

If none of the above events would have happened, would this blog post have existed? Yes of course, highlighting a different set of events that would have occurred, otherwise. This blog would never cease to exist, because its driven by the content. And, for the sake of the end, for the sake of swagger,

Memes are temporary, content is permanent.

Cheers to 2017..!











Comments

  1. This blog of Ur's forced me to read it again & again..!!
    Good job Aditya..
    The time you put in really shows!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. The reader concedes with the author's detestation of the bygone year. She feels that the tiny 'What ifs' were the highlight of the blog and added to the whole satire. The Bitcoin one was her favorite. As much as she laughs and ridicules trump, she gets sad at the peace and nationalism shit going downhill. She wonders when will the winds of change blow?

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A DM to our PM

Dear Prime Minister,

I sincerely hope that you had your mango today.
I have been following your recent interviews for quite some time & couldn’t stop myself from writing this letter. All of your recent interviews were absolutely honest, candid & confident in the true sense of the word.
Being an engineer (with a real degree) by profession, I too have given a few interviews as a part of recruitment. If I were to establish a quantitative comparison, I have probably appeared for as many interviews as you have after you became the PM. Please note, I have been modest in excluding the interviews that were chaired by my respective relatives.
But you have beaten me on the quality of interviews, sir. While I was being questioned on algorithms, database design & guesstimates, you faced the horrible wrath of daily routine, hobbies and your mango eating habits. While I did not really leave a good impression in my interviews, you simply hit the nail on the head. In no time, the nation went…

A tale of a tail

As big as a rope, as small as a pore. As hard as a stick, as soft as a chick. As straight as a tower, as round as a flower. As furry as a broom, as bald as a mushroom!
The diversity of their tales is as underrated as that of the religions.
But, unity exists in the diversity (and not in the statue). 
The rope, the pore. The stick, the chick. The tower, the flower. The broom, the mushroom. All these tails were united by a tale. A tale that the dogs can’t read. A tale that the dogs want us to read!
LARA is a one such tale. It doesn’t need ‘BRIAN’ in its preface or ‘DUTTA’ in its acknowledgements. Though, she is as playful as the former & as beautiful as the latter.
Lara entered my life into a box. It was a shoe-box. Within the span of a year, she would easily kick that box out of her way. Such was the pace of her growth. To your wonder, she doesn’t belong to the Labrador family which is popular for its rapid growth. Instead, Lara was a cross. In fact, she was a holy cross that I wou…

ABCD is not enough!

"Come on beta, drink your milk, otherwise the doggy would come." "Baby, it’s time to sleep & if you don't, doggy would come." "Don't cry, otherwise the doggy will come!!"
Such were our first life tutorials. Probably all of us subscribed to them & learnt to eat, sleep & drink.
As a kid, I was extremely scared of dogs. I was so scared that all my actions were inhibited by this dog-phobia. With even the slightest indication of a dog nearby, I could sense the chill that ran down my spine. This wasn’t because the dogs were intimidating. Instead, the tutorials were. If you wish to anticipate the extent of my fear of dogs, think about your confidence to say/write (or even, think) against the unity. I mean, Statue of Unity.
One fine morning, my fear was ready to take a toll on me. Sharma uncle from the neighbourhood visited our home & my papa called me up to show off that his 3-year-old has learnt the ABCD. So the examiner in Sharma uncle was …